“Blame it on the rain that was falling, falling. Blame it on the stars that shine at night. Whatever you do, don’t put the blame on you. Blame it on the rain, yeah yeah.” Milli Vanilli, Blame it on the Rain
Hello people and welcome to our weekly BIP recap. This week was full of highs and lows, tears and inappropriate PDA, with a little rain thrown in the mix for good measure. And crabs- lots and lots of crabs- and not the kind you would think, based on the nature of this show. We saw the return of Hurricane Ashley, we saw Evan needing medical attention, and we saw the aforementioned army of crabs trying to sabotage poor Nick V’s quest for romance. It seems that even the smallest of God’s creatures are against Nick finding love. So without further ado, let’s get to the episode.
We open right where we left off last week, with Evan’s feeble attempt at trying to steal Amanda away from Josh with a “self-made date card.” He boldly walks over to the two of them, mid-makeout (natch) and says “So sorry to interrupt.” He gives her the pretend date card that says something along the lines of “Evan, you deserve love. Take Amanda to the tree house.” She doesn’t look thrilled to be away from Josh’s tongue for more than 30 seconds, and Josh looks none-too-happy either, but not upset enough not to order (and devour) a pizza in her absence. But more on that later. Izzy remarks that the whole thing is “extremely bizarre.” Vinny calls Evan “the awkward cock doc.” I think that’s the best name I’ve heard for him thus far. So Evan and Amanda are sitting in a tree(house) where he has prepared a makeshift “date” and he asks her if he has a shot. (It should be noted that I choked on my wine at this point. Just reason number 85 to dislike Evan.) She tries to be very nice and respectful to him, letting him down gently by saying that she feels something for Josh and wants to really focus on that. We cut back to Josh, feeling something strong for his pizza, which he sings the praises of (“the best pizza I’ve ever had”) and moans as he eats it, in the exact same manner he does while making out with Amanda. Evan thinks that he is “late to the party” and should have asked her out before Josh arrived. I say that would not have made one bit of difference, but Evan is perhaps the least self-aware person who has ever appeared on this franchise, and that’s saying a lot. You can tell by Amanda’s face that she feels bad, but I wouldn’t worry too much, girl. I’m sure he’s gotten that kind of rejection a lot over the years. As she leaves, Evan confesses that he wanted a “glimmer of hope” and feels like he got one. Huh? Were we listening to the same conversation? His denial knows no bounds. It reminded me of Dumb and Dumber when Mary tells Lloyd the odds of them getting together are like one in a million and he responds with, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance?!?!” Come to think of it, Evan and Lloyd Christmas have a similar haircut, too. Continue reading She Came in Like a Wrecking Ball-A Bachelor in Paradise recap for Week 3