Talk of the Town- A Real Housewives of New York recap for Season 9- Episode 3

“What about your friends? Will they stand their ground, will they let you down again? What about your friends? Are they gonna be lowdown, will they ever be around? Or will they turn their backs on you?” TLC, What About Your Friends

Hello everyone. Welcome to the recap for episode 3 of RHONY. This week was chock-full of fighting, choosing sides, back-stabbing, and the confirmation of what we’ve always suspected but had yet to confirm- the fact that Dorinda has friends everywhere, and if you try to f*^@ with her, she will have an entire of file of reasons to take you down. Dorinda is gangster- this much we now know.

Right from the jump, it becomes clear that this is going to be a Hamptons weekend. We see ¬†Sonja and Tinsley packing, Lu giving a tour of her (quite beautiful) SAG Harbor house, and Bethenny joking that she is going to invite Donald Trump for the weekend and “lock him and Carole in the guest house for the weekend and see how that works” (at least I think it’s a joke.Who knows? I wouldn’t put it past B to be friends with someone like him.) Bethenny tells Carole that Sonja talked badly about Luann and Dorinda, Sonja and Tinsley prove as much by talking about Luann (well, “talk” might be an understatement. Tinsley can barely get a word in) and Tinsley says Sonja needs to let the “lovers” talk go once and for all. Amen, sister. Luann, Dorinda and Victoria (Lu’s daughter) talk about Tinsley and Sonja, who is supposedly “sober” and Dorinda passes around a pic of Sonja looking full-on hammer-times to disprove this theory. Of course Luann brings it back around to her relationship and wedding- “I think she’s jealous”- and Dorinda says she’s going to kill Sonja with kindness when she finally sees her, presumably at the dinner party Ramona is throwing over the weekend.

Carole won’t let go of her “election stress” and you can tell Bethenny’s patience is wearing thin regarding any topic of conversation that doesn’t directly revolve around her. Carole doesn’t want Ramona coming to her election party and Bethenny thinks Carole is being condescending. They go to acupuncture to relieve their stress, where Bethenny remarks that she’s never seen Carole so worked up about anything. (“I didn’t even know Carole had a pulse,” she quips and then goes right back to making it all about herself, waxing poetic about her own “faux spirituality.”) Carole, clearly a stranger to the science of Eastern medicine, asks the acupuncturist if he can do something about her toe fungus, and I am immediately transported back to her saying she had five good summers left last year. When that toe fungus sets in, it’s the beginning of the end, lady. Might as well send young Adam on his way and get a few more cats and just lean into your bleak future, Rad-zi-ville. Carole then whines about Bethenny’s “secret hell” with her ex and commends her for suffering in silence, because she doesn’t “really talk about it.” Unless of course there is a magazine willing to pay her for a story, that is. Bethenny gets “cupped” like a true rich, white Gwyneth and says, “I don’t care what I look like. This is a group of beat-up women.” Present company included, obviously. Continue reading “Talk of the Town- A Real Housewives of New York recap for Season 9- Episode 3”

The Bitches Are Back- A Real Housewives of New York Recap for Season 9- Episodes 1&2

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch. Oh, the bitch is back. Stone cold sober as a matter of fact. I can bitch, I can bitch cause I’m better than you. It’s the way that I move, the things that I do.” Elton John, The Bitch is Back

Hello everyone and welcome to my first-ever Real Housewives recap. I meant to write this last week, after the premiere of the new season, but I didn’t, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because my kid has been on spring break so I couldn’t find the time. Whatever the reason (laziness, being busy, not drinking wine on the weekdays- it’s a long story) I just want to start by explaining why I decided to recap RHONY. ¬†First and foremost, Bravo is my religion and I will pretty much watch anything Saint Andrew Cohen deems worthy of my viewing pleasure, but of all the housewives franchises, I think New York may be the crown jewel. I know OC is the OG, and I watch every season, but I just can’t connect with those ladies the way I do my NYC housewives. And Beverly Hills is great- I have watched every moment of every episode- but when you live in Los Angeles, it almost doesn’t have the same aspirational quality. I mean, don’t get me wrong- I’m hardly having high tea in the garden of Villa Rose with Hanky and Panky like Queen Vanderpump, but after 15 years in SoCal, the glamour of the Los Angeles franchise doesn’t measure up somehow. Watching the women of New York be driven around the city to all their fave restaurants and hotspots on the upper east side, shopping their days away, all the while living in fabulous town houses is somehow a fun escape for a die-hard West coaster like myself.

Before we get into anything regarding the episodes, let’s discuss the new taglines. First up is Dorinda, with “I tell it like it is, but I always make it nice,” a thinly-veiled reference to her amazing and unforgettable Berkshires meltdown last season. Next up is Ramona, squawking in her shrill voice, “I’m an acquired taste. You don’t like me? Acquire some taste.” Then we have Sonja, with the brilliant, “There’s nothing grey about my gardens.” Um, this we know, “Sonja with a sexy J” because you have been very clear about the fact that you have no “garden” in your lady parts. Carole is next, with “In the politics of friendship, I win the popular vote.” Um, only if Bethenny is the one voting, sweetheart. Luann of course has to mention her upcoming nuptials, so hers is, “The only title I’d trade Countess for is wife.” Again, as always, it’s about Tom. Then of course, Bethenny has to come in last, with her signature bitchy tone saying, “If you’re going to take a shot at this B, you better not miss.” I’m going to come clean straight away about my distaste for Bethenny. When she started, years ago, she was my favorite. I thought she was funny, authentic, and most of all, genuine in her search to find love and have a baby. As a woman in my mid-30s when RHONY began, I totally related to her ticking clock and her fears that it just might not happen for her. And then she got married, and right after that, her business became successful and she got very, very wealthy and when she came back two seasons ago, I couldn’t stand her. I don’t know if it was the money or the divorce or what, but I think she is a truly mean person who enjoys hurting other people. That said, she makes great television, because love her or hate her, we can’t stop watching her. Continue reading “The Bitches Are Back- A Real Housewives of New York Recap for Season 9- Episodes 1&2”