Talk is Cheap- A Bachelor in Paradise Recap for Week 1 (with some final thoughts on Rachel’s ending on The Bachelorette)

“So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, ohh,” Dave Matthews Band, So Much to Say

Hello everyone. I know it’s been a minute, but honestly, I needed a break. I tried to recap The Men Tell All episode of Rachel’s season, but even just watching it was painful enough and I Just. Couldn’t. Do. It. We get it- Lee is a racist. Honestly, the episode gave us nothing else noteworthy and I didn’t want to give that toolbox any more than his already diminishing 15 minutes. And as for the finale- well, I think I’ve made my feelings clear about Bryan for some time now. And I was massively disappointed in Rachel for choosing him. She and Peter seemed like a much better fit, but she was so focused on getting her proposal that she totally picked the wrong guy, in my opinion. Let’s just be honest with ourselves for a minute here- this show is never really about getting married. How many of these couples have actually done so? And Peter was right that getting engaged after such a short period of time was a terrible idea, so now she can go ahead and date Bryan for a while and a year from now be lamenting the fact that she gave up her chance of having beautiful, gap-toothed babies for the idea of a wedding that will never happen. But maybe her loss is our gain, because I would happily watch a whole season of Bachelor Peter. Oh, and I’m sorry that I have said nothing of Eric’s dismissal, but I never understood his appeal or thought she would choose him. That said, he was very charming when they brought him out to speak to Rachel on ATFR and looked better than ever with that quasi beard, so there’s that. Anyway, while I am still reeling over what might have been with Peter and Rachel, let’s move on to the main event, shall we?

Paradise was destined to be big news this year, after the alleged sexual misconduct and the halting of production, but this 2-part premiere fell extremely flat, in my opinion. First of all, let me just repeat how much I HATE the intro.  It’s really stupid and it annoys me every single time. Of course the entire first hour was just arrivals, which, quite frankly, looked like a who’s who of Nick and Rachel’s seasons. First up was Raven, followed by Dean and then the Russian orphan Kristina, and it plays like a bit of a love triangle between the three. And then Danielle M (the one with the dead fiancé from Nick’s season) shows up and she seems into Dean too. I mean, who can blame them? He’s a cutie. Ben Zorn (one of the only guys NOT from Rach’s season, as he harks way back to the Kaitlyn days) shows up next, and he puts a full court press on Raven, which she seems not at all interested in. Then Iggy arrives with his pit stains on his shirt and the rest of him presumably chock-full of ‘roids and protein powder and it seems he’s into Dean more than any of the other ladies. Jasmine shows up next, followed by creepy Jack Stone whose opening line is “People may think I’m a serial killer.” Yep- you hit the nail on the head there, Jack Stone. Alexis shows up in her dolphin/shark costume, followed by DeMario, and Derek, also known (to me, anyway) as Bobo Jim Halpert. Then tiny little Alex, also from JoJo’s season, shows up and finally, we are treated to the arrival of Princess Corinne. As always, she has a glass of champs in hand, a headful of hair extensions and a look that says she’s here to stir some shit up. She grabs yet another glass of bubbles and says, “To making paradise Corinne again.” Continue reading “Talk is Cheap- A Bachelor in Paradise Recap for Week 1 (with some final thoughts on Rachel’s ending on The Bachelorette)”