“Home, let me come home. Home is wherever I’m with you. Our home, yes I am home. Home is when I’m alone with you.” Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Home
Hello friends. Tonight, we saw the hometown episode, which is, in my opinion, the most boring one of the entire season, except of course for last season, when JoJo’s mom was pounding champs straight out the bottle and became a meme heard round the world, much to my delight. Tonight, however, offered no such gems- just a bunch of boring, old parents who behaved totally appropriately. Yawn. So with that, let’s get to the episode.
The first date was with Chase in Highlands Ranch, Colorado. Apparently he still lives in the town where he was born and raised, and so do both of his divorced parents, which JoJo is informed she will be meeting separately. He set it up like it was going to be fraught with drama, but in standard Chase fashion, it fell a little flat. First dad comes to Chase’s house to meet JoJo, and the first thing I notice is that Chase’s house is “shabby chic,” except not really chic. At all. He’s spent a lot of time talking to JoJo about how his parents’ divorce has shaped his adult relationships, which I get, but he just doesn’t seem to have the emotional depth to back it up. But I still find him hot. I just don’t really want him to talk. Ever. He tells JoJo he’s had a lot of “highs and lows” with his father, but now his dad is happily remarried and the relationship between father and son seems to be on the mend. The conversation is all a bit awkward, but Chase and his dad trade compliments to each other and to JoJo and his dad leaves, seemingly giving the union his blessing, should it come to that. Though before he leaves, Chase’s dad does mention that he’s not crazy about the odds- “Four guys all fighting for the same girl? What if you don’t win this one?” Well, normally, pops, I’d say not winning really ups one’s odds of being the new Bachelor, but with Chase’s sparkling personality and witty banter being as nonexistent as it is… well, I’m going to say those odds ain’t great either.
They walk thorough piles of snow to get to Chase’s mom’s house, and for once, JoJo’s bulky sweater isn’t entirely seasonally inappropriate. It’s all or nothing with that girl- she’s either in a turtleneck and baggy pants or a crop-top and hot pants. There they meet Chase’s mom, stepdad, sister, brother-in-law and nephew. I didn’t bother learning any of their names, because frankly, I didn’t care. I had to rewind a scene at dinner,though, because when Chase toasts and says, “I hope you guys can see what I see in her,” I swear I heard his mother reply with, “You have a spectacular rack and that always goes a long way with me.” For the record, she said laugh, not rack. The mom and JoJo go talk outside. Mom tells her that she knows Chase is crazy about her. And JoJo tells her he’s better at demonstrating his affection than verbalizing it. His mom says the divorce affected him deeply, yada, yada, yada and it’s all a big, giant snooze. Meanwhile, Chase and his sister are having a virtually identical conversation inside. The producers must have really struggled to find a story line here, because it’s all so BORING. Eventually, Chase tells his mom he would be ready to propose to JoJo in the end, and then he tells JoJo he’s falling in love with her before she leaves. They both get teary. If it wasn’t for the bottle of wine beckoning me to finish it, I would have been asleep at this point. Continue reading There’s No Place Like Home- A Bachelorette Recap for Episode 7